The Animal (2001)

Animal, TheReleased: June 1, 2001. Directed by: Luke Greenfield. Starring: Rob Schneider, Colleen Haskell, John C. McGinley. Runtime: 84 min.

After receiving organ transplants from various animal donors, a man finds himself taking on the traits of those animals.

“The Animal” is every bit as stupid as one might expect from its plot. Suffice to say, if you’re anticipating a criminally stupid movie, you won’t be disappointed. The cast is amusing, the conflicts are inane; one character thinks he can get away with anything because he’s black, and it gets insanely tedious – and it solves conflicts too easily.

There are some funnies. The jokes mainly involve the main character, Marvin (Schneider) who has to deal with his new animal instincts, and the way he deals with them may make you smile. Colleen Haskell of Season 1 of TV’s “Survivor” is attractive, but she’s about as good of an actress as one might expect from a reality TV show star. There’s not a lot notable about “The Animal.” It’s written by Rob Schneider and Tom Brady. Tom Brady the writer/director behind such hits as “The Hot Chick” and “Bucky Larson,” not Brady the New England Patriots quarterback. I wonder if the quarterback could do the writer’s job better?

Like I seem to be saying about all of the films Happy Madison Productions produces, it’s watchable. But watchable only means it’s not the worst way to kill 84 minutes, and it doesn’t do anything for the genre. The film is directed by first-time director Luke Greenfield.

I’ve always wondered why Adam Sandler has never directed a film. I mean, he’s the producer on all of his non-starring gigs, so it surprises me that he’s never directed anything yet. He has a decent vision, I’d say, with everything he writes, so if he’s willing to give a first-time director a chance with this – he could just do it himself. Why not, right? Maybe he’ll even have a minor hit on his hands? It probably wouldn’t hurt the movie he would direct/produce.

Score50/100

Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star – A film review by Daniel Prinn

 

Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star

Release Date: September 9, 2011

Director: Tom Brady

Stars: Nick Swardson, Christina Ricci, Don Johnson

Runtime: 97 min

Tagline: There are no small actors. Just small parts.

Bucky Larson is an ordinary loser who lives in the Midwest, and after he sees a nude flick, that his parents starred in, he wants to follow in their footsteps and heads out for the bright lights of Hollywood.

The film fails in all aspects and is painfully unfunny. I never thought I’d ever see a movie even more stupid than Jack and Jill. The plot sucks, there’s little attempt at character development that isn’t very interesting at all, and the acting isn’t good. It feels like a spoof film, and it’s hard to get good acting with this poorly written script.

The film relies on three main unfunny jokes: Bucky’s buck teeth, his small penis, and his premature ejaculation.

The only good thing about this film is the short appearance by Adam Herschman (Glen from Accepted), he wasn’t exactly funny but it was nice to see him in a film again. Like I said, it’s hard to be funny in this flick. The talents of Nick Swardson and Christina Ricci are extremely wasted.

I can’t think of anything funny about this crap. Did someone give Christina Ricci the memo that this was supposed to be a mindless comedy and not a romantic drama?

I don’t know how this is a movie. It’s just horrible and not even fun at all. It’s a chore to watch. It’s a fail in every aspect; and you can even tell by its horrid movie poster.

1/100

Jack and Jill – A film review by Daniel Prinn

Released November 11, 2011Director: Dennis DuganStars: Adam Sandler, Katie Holmes, Al PacinoRuntime: 91 minTagline: His twin sister is coming for the holidays… and it ain’t pretty.

Sandler is back… and it ain’t pretty.

Jack (Adam Sandler) lives with his lovely wife (Katie Holmes), their daughter and an adopted Indian son. Soon enough, it’s Thanksgiving and it’s time for Jill’s (Adam Sandler with a high pitched voice) annual visit. Jill is Jack’s “nocturnal, like a bat” twin sister, and she keeps prolonging her vacation because she’s lonely and she only has her bird, Poopsie, to keep her company; henceforth prolonging this god awful film.

I thought it was rather dull, and the plot was stupid. I could count the memorable gags and one-liners on a hand with no fingers. I wanted this film to “pa-go-go” away. It’s a little better than Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star, but not by very much. Though, the only good thing about this film is the reappearance of Otto, the homeless caddy from Sandler’s  classic, Happy Gilmore. Too bad it’s still not enough to save this train wreck.

Oh Al Pacino, why would you associate yourself with this film? Did you want to play a parody of yourself? Did Sandler hold you hostage and not let you go until you said you’d star in it?

I love Sandler’s earlier work (Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison, The Waterboy), so I hope he can redeem himself soon. Though, this film does not help in his road for redemption.

Avoid this one like influenza, boys and girls. It’s utterly crappy.

Score12/100