Unforgettable (2017)

 

Released: April 21, 2017. Directed by: Denise Di Novi. Starring: Rosario Dawson, Katherine Heigl, Geoff Stults. Runtime: 1h 40 min.

Unforgettable is a formulaic stalker story that is a forgettable affair. If they didn’t want critics taking jabs, they wouldn’t name it something so inviting!

Rosario Dawson is Julia Banks, an online editor who never does any work. She moves to a SoCal town with boyfriend David Connover (Geoff Stults) and his adorable daughter Lily (Isabella Kai Rice). The happy couple are also planning to get married. However, when there’s a daughter, there’s often a crazy ex-wife: The insanely jealous Tessa Connover (Katherine Heigl). She annoyingly can’t move on from David after two years of being separated, and she’ll stop at nothing to try to ruin their relationship.

The most frustrating thing about Unforgettable is its writing. It opens in the middle of its story as we see Julia being interrogated and then it jumps back to six months earlier (the timeline feels like two weeks at most, by the way). It’s an awful choice because they give us so much information, they even tell us someone’s dead, and it takes away element of surprise.

The thrills are weak regardless because it’s a predictable story, but I can’t remember a film that spoiled its own secrets so early. Between its interesting thoughts, this goes through the motions of every erotic thriller and goes out with a silly ending. This is Christina Hodson’s sophomore screenplay after the god-awful Shut In and it’s a bit better, but not by much. Though, these characters are more interesting.

Julia’s past with an abusive ex has been done before, but her insecurities are honest. She needed to get a restraining order for her last relationship (conveniently, it’s expiring for some unknown reason) and now she’s a victim trying to move on. She’s usually empowered, and Rosario Dawson is impressive because she doesn’t phone in a performance. She’s a lone bright spot.

Tessa is a total control freak and the film offers motivations for her insanities, but she’s simply a psycho Barbie, as Julia’s wise-cracking bestie (Whitney Cummings) aptly puts it. Tessa’s also the poster girl for helicopter parents. She’s shaping Lily into a mini Barbie through horseback riding and French lessons. These are some of the funniest moments, as Julia lets the little Barbie off a horse much to Tessa’s objections, and the French lessons are basically characters singing “Alouette, gentille Alouette.” There’s a lot of hair brushing as Tessa tries to get her daughter’s tangles out, and only villains brush hair that menacingly and that often.

Unforgettable horsey

Katherine Heigl, Rosario Dawson and Isabella Kai Rice in one of the thriller’s funniest scenes. (Source)

There are countless icy stares in Katherine Heigl’s performance. She’s one-note crazy and cold, but convincingly plays the controlling part. The character’s supposed to go crazy after she finds out they’re getting married, but it’s not convincing because Tessa looks bonkers the first time we see her. She plays uptight and crazy in the same range. This is at least until the end when she enters over-the-top campiness, but at least it looks like Heigl’s having fun.

There are a lot of silly scenes. At one point Tessa cries and watches a video of her wedding with David. She’s so perfect, even her tears fall in flawless lines. It’s funny, and Unforgettable toes a “so bad it’s good” line in these moments, but it never fully embraces it.

I don’t usually pay attention to prop design, but I must bring this up: At one point, Julia and David have a conversation in their living room. Meanwhile, there are about 25 crystal salt and pepper shakers on the coffee table. It leaves so many questions: Why is it there? Are they seasoning a feast? Who needs that much salt and pepper?

The closest I came to an answer: It’s there to spice up David’s personality. He’s so bland that it’s hard to see why these girls are fighting over him. It’s also baffling that even though this tries to empower women and is directed and written by women, it’s all about them fighting over a guy.

Any actor can play the role because he’s just the one-note, clueless husband and he’s just there to be fought over as the female leads duke it out. Geoff Stults gets the call, and I’ve only seen him in She’s Out of My League when he played an ex trying to win back an old girlfriend. That one has Jay Baruchel who’s dating his old love, but they’re fighting over Alice Eve. At least that’s believable.

Veteran producer Denise Di Novi (Edward Scisccorhands) makes her directorial debut and handles thrills with little style. She makes one scene feel pointless as Julia wants sex in a bathroom with David. Meanwhile, Tessa pleasures herself during a Facebook chat. The editing makes it unsexy and one of the most cringe-worthy scenes. If you can find any meaning in it, it’s that sex is a means of control. There’s zero passion in this scene, or this erotic thriller. David looks absolutely perplexed after it transpires. He gets the satisfaction, but with Unforgettable, we’re the ones who get screwed.

Score: 38/100

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The Nut Job (2014)

The Nut JobReleased: January 17, 2014. Directed by: Peter Lepeniotis. Starring: Will Arnett, Brendan Fraser, Liam Neeson. Runtime: 85 min.

Apparently, it takes three writers, two to write the screenplay and one to think of the story, to write a really bad animated movie tailored mostly for the kids’ enjoyment. There’s three mildly amusing laughs, but that’s about it for the laughs for anyone over the age of 10, unless one of your comedy weaknesses is squirrels farting. “The Nut Job” follows the adventures of Surly the squirrel (Will Arnett) who, after destroying the city park’s food supply for the winter, is banished to the scary city. He is not alone, as he is accompanied by his best friend, a mute rat named Buddy. With luck on their side, they find a Nut store (and arbitrarily start to dance to Psy’s “Gagnam Style,” where you have to wonder how they’re hearing the music) where there’s enough nuts to feed the park for many winters to come. But that’s only if Surly is gonna share! He enlists the help of his acquaintances (because he’s too cool to have more than one friend; one at a time, friends and neighbours) to rob the store of their nut supply.

Dancing aimlessly to music they're not really hearing

Dancing aimlessly to music they’re not really hearing

The premise is designed in a way that might appeal to adults, because, hey, it’s a still a heist film. It’s handled poorly with dumb humour and too many nut puns, like “Hey, don’t go nuts on me,” crap like that. This is sort-of like the premise of “Over the Hedge,” because these are both films about a group of wild animals collecting food, and there’s a character here that’s a mix between Steve Carrell’s Hammy and the adorable lemur from the “Madagascar” franchise. This is such a poor movie because it’s, underneath it all, partly an uncharismatic, full-length version of the Scrat character before each “Ice Age” film. And for this to have any sort-of critical access, I think it’s important that the main protagonist isn’t entirely unlikable.

"We're gonna starve!"

“We’re gonna starve!”

Surly’s personality completely matches the name he’s given; he’s mean and whenever he seems to be opening up, he gets pissed off and pushes the person away. That might be because of vulnerability and the fear of being hurt, but he comes off as a selfish prick and I don’t know why anyone would want to watch any film depicting this character. He’s just uncharismatic and he’s all about himself, it’s just not a fun attitude to watch. Sharing is caring, Surly, you idiot.  Will Arnett’s voice performance is rather bland as him, as if he’s sort-of phoning it in. If you want to experience his voice work, just see his work as Batman in “The Lego Movie” instead. Katherine Heigl is unremarkable as her character Andi. Liam Neeson is okay as Raccoon, the leader of the park animals in New York. Brendan Fraser is trying too hard in a bland sort-of way as Grayson, the squirrel that the parks sees as the hero; and Grayson is too stupid to realize he’s a scaredy cat. Maya Rudolph has an energy in her voice work that brings something partly tolerable to the film. Still not very funny, but not completely awful. She plays a pug owned by the people who own the nut shop.

The film’s animation is the one redeeming quality. Funny thing, it has a look where in the background there are lines that come down and across that look as if the characters are in a dome, like that scene in “Scooby Doo and the Cyber Chase” when the world they’re in becomes vibrant and shows the lines around them, that they’re not yet home. If you know what I mean, maybe I’m just seeing things, it’s noticeable (did anyone else see it?) – and it seemed to have a post-production quality of animation, like it was almost completed but not quite, but the filmmakers said anyway, “Good enough, ship it off to theatres.”

The characters are completed, and the backgrounds are pretty nice, but it seems like they forgot to erase the lines in the background. One thing that is strange is the colour choice of the main character; a purple squirrel? Granted, it’s colourful and it’ll catch the kid’s attention, but boy does it not make sense. Maybe he fell into a can with purple paint and it didn’t get the stain out entirely? Maybe he couldn’t hook up with enough squirrel biddies and got the sister version of blue balls? Purple balls? Get it? Oh, there’s a clever animated sequence during the credits featuring the animaetd version of a popular singer in the end credits singing a popular and upbeat song. It confirms the filmmaker’s insecurities with their own film, shoving in a song that doesn’t have much to do with the film, only to convince you that you had one hell of a good time.

By the way, the people who own the nut shop but it for a heist of their own. They’re digging a tunnel in the basement to the bank supposedly nearby, “The Ladykillers”style. They’re the usual stupid henchmen and random boss you see in animated thug movies. There’s one henchy who is all mysterious and cringes when he hears a dog whistle; which is strange because it never gets explained why his hearing is so hyperactive enough to hear it. Anyway, it makes sense that they’d buy a nut shop; because the only people would walk into the nut shop are those who would ask: “Why do you own a store that only sells nuts?” No one’s going to go in there; alternatively they could have just ran a VCR repair shop. The film wouldn’t happen if that were the case, but that’s not such a bad thing. Mostly because this is a really bad movie. The characters are so lame, you’re probably going to root for starvation to win.

Score25/100