Movie 43 (2013)

Movie 43Movie 43

Release Date: January 25, 2013

Directors: Elizabeth Banks, Steven Brill, Peter Farrelly (and 10 others)

Stars: Liev Schreiber, Emma, Stone, Richard Gere

Runtime: 94 min

I just watched a version online, and I believe it was the version released in the U.K.; it’s an alternate plot to the U.S. version that doesn’t have Dennis Quaid pitching crazy ideas to a studio. I was not going to spend money on this.

Movie 43 is a haphazardly edited sketch comedy that stars as many A-list actors (including Emma Stone, Richard Gere, Kate Bosworth, Liev Schreiber, Naomi Watts, Justin Long, Kristen Bell, and Elizabeth Banks, to name a few) as the filmmakers could convince that this movie would be lots of fun to make. Charles Wessler achieves his vision: A satire that brings up common issues in the most offensive of ways, and it is the most outrageous comedy ever made.

But it is also one awful movie. If only his passion project (an idea that he’s had for over a decade) wasn’t so silly. Saturday Night Live has okay sketches, good sketches and those rare great sketches. This, however, has awful sketches, bad sketches, and just tolerable, but kind-of funny sketches. Even if you do laugh at some points, it doesn’t stop this from being one bad, bad film. This is still sort-of imaginative and quite original, and unlike anything you’ve seen at the movie theatre before. It’s one of those times where too many cooks in the kitchen (13 directors, a huge cast, 30 writers) really spoils the broth. Apparently, it takes thirteen directors, 102 credited cast members and thirty writers to make a really bad film.

The plot follows three adolescent boys who are searching the depths of the internet for Movie 43, the world’s most banned feature. The two older teens who tell a younger brother, the incredibly irritating Baxter who looks like he’s really ten years old, about Movie 43 are really just making it up because they want some April Fool’s revenge. Little do they know is that the video could very well end the world, somehow.

That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, nor is it explained. It’s completely random and idiotic. This backstory manages to be worse than some of the comedy sketches, to a point where you might actually want to see another bad sketch. This is because the actors in the background story have little to no charisma, and they’re increasingly annoying and bland.

While the idea of sketch comedies in movies is fairly new, this is still trash. The plot is almost as disorganized as every spoof movie out there. If this is compared to Scary Movie 5, this might as well be an Oscar contender. This is definitely not for the easily offended. The humour is thoroughly crude, offensive, absurd, violent, vulgar, inane, insane, sophomoric and rarely funny; but it’s ironic that I’ve seen a lot more nudity in less offensive films. So… Humour that will offend almost the entire world is okay, but extreme nudity is off the table? Hmm.

Out of the movie’s thirteen comedy sketches, there are thirteen stupid and fairly offensive ones. The one with Terrence Howard is hardly funny at all. The sketch showing that people get much too angry with machines and it upsets the kids inside the machines is incredibly stupid, but it’s creative. There are arguably five tolerable ones, but there are none that provide consistent laughs. The ‘Super Hero Dating’ segment with Jason Sudeikis and Justin Long has a few solid jokes, and it’s an imaginative look into the culture of super hero impersonators. It’s the movie’s strongest segment (even if it’s hardly great). The ‘Happy Birthday’ segment with Seann William Scott and Johnny Knoxville also has some good laughs (albeit forgettable), but it is one of the movie’s more violent and vulgar segments. The ‘Truth or Dare’ segment starring Stephen Merchant and Halle Berry is funny in the beginning, but it progressively gets worse until it falls on its face. Suffice to say, the ‘Happy Birthday’ and ‘Super Hero Dating’ sketches are my favourite, and they are somewhat entertaining.

SPOILERS FOLLOW IN THIS FUNNY PARAGRAPH, I briefly describe the film’s worst three sketches. It seems as if the movie is designed to have the worst three sketches at the beginning of the film. The first sketch has Hugh Jackman sporting a pair of testicles under his chin and it is unfunny and unwatchable. It’s a one-joke sketch where it seems as if Kate Winslet’s character is the only one to notice the prominent nuts. Though, it does show that society cannot help but judge someone for the way they look. The second sketch features Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts homeschooling their child and mercilessly bullying him to a point where he will definitely need to be institutionalized. The third sketch features Anna Farris requesting Chris Pratt to poop on her (you read that right) because it’s apparently a big step in a relationship. Apparently, it’s okay to poop on women, but it’s frowned upon to sh*t on them. Because if you shit on a gal, it’s deemed very offensive. (Read the next part very sarcastically.) Wow. This is the world of my dreams. I’ve always wanted to live in a world where the norm is to poop on women and have a pair of testicles dangling under my chin. Oh, someone, take me there! I can’t take this society where women bitch about me even farting in their general direction! END OF SPOILERS.

Alas, this movie is awful. (But, I am able to use the word ‘alas’ in one of my reviews.) I’ve seen much worse, but it’s really, really, really, stupid. The laughs are forgettable; but it’s the disturbing sketches that are unforgettable. Much to my dismay, this stuff kind-of just sticks with you… Forever.

30/100

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The Impossible (2012)

The Impossible (Lo Imposible)

Release Date: December 21, 2012

Director: Juan Antonio Bayona

Stars: Naomi Watts, Ewan McGregor, Tom Holland

Runtime: 114 min

Tagline: Nothing is more powerful than the human spirit.

Did you know? The real family that the main characters are based on are in fact Spanish but living in Japan at the time of the Tsunami.

On Sunday, December 26, 2004, the Indian Ocean earthquake forever changed the lives of many people, and took the lives of over 230, 000 in fourteen countries. The earthquake trigged a series of ravaging tsunamis along the coasts bordering the Indian Ocean. Coastal communities were struck with waves up to 30 meters high. All these factors make it one of the deadliest natural disasters in recorded history. Countries like Indonesia, Sri Lanka, India and Thailand were the countries most devastated by the tsunamis. The Impossible tells the true story of one of the families caught in the middle of one of the worst natural catastrophes of our time.

Maria Bennett (Naomi Watts), her husband, Henry (Ewan McGregor), and their three sons, from eldest to youngest, Lucas (Tom Holland), Thomas (Samuel Joslin) and Simon (Oaklee Pendergast), are on an airplane on their way to a beach resort in Thailand, where they will be spending the Christmas holidays. They’re a very regular family, they get scared, and they open presents just like everyone else on a beautiful Christmas morning. On Boxing Day, they spend the morning at the beach, just like many other tourists. However, their normal day turns awry when they hear a distant noise becoming a roar. A tsunami strikes the resort, Maria and Lucas go one way, and Henry and the two youngest, the other. Will they be able to survive and overcome the unlikely odds of finding each other?

This definitely could just be another average, inspiring story. However, it has a lot more going for it. This manages to stand out in memory as a strong, emotional, inspirational feature that is one of the most truly moving films of 2012.

The dramatic screenplay sets a canvas for great performances from the whole cast. Naomi Watts is the strongest of the bunch, but is not the only one who deserves recognition for her efforts. Ewan McGregor and Tom Holland are also fantastic. McGregor must show fear and many other emotions in the hope of finding his family. In one scene, he breaks down emotionally calling a family member back home (it might be his brother) that deems difficult for the audience member not to be moved by. For this scene alone, he really should have received an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actor. Holland also shows that his character is strong-willed because he goes off to help other families, leading to a fantastic scene that strikes like an emotional bulldozer. Holland also proves capable of carrying a film when he is called on to.

McGregor and Holland express very real emotions of desperation and despair that we’d all be feeling in this situation. The two little kids also deliver strong performances, albeit not as memorable as everyone else. They still leave an impression, and they are great enough to not be just another child actor destined for a forgettable dead-end career on the Disney channel.

These characters are strong-willed and would do anything to survive and find each other. This film is a true testament of the human spirit, much like Les Misérables. However, the obstacle those characters had to face was the French Revolution, and not 30-meters high waves. The audience can really relate to the characters, because this could really happen to anyone in any place or time. They are so real that it’s difficult not to root for them. After watching this, you’ll probably want to run home and hug your loved ones all day long.

The film is usually very realistic, even if there are some tedious scenes that rely on suspense a bit more than drama, as there are some scenes where the audience member is in their seat dying for the family members to find each other. These aspects make it not only a drama, but at times a thriller. There are intense scenes like when they are trying to find each other, when the devastating tsunami strikes the resort and Maria and Lucas are fighting to hold onto each other, and in a few dream-like sequences. These aspects keep it from turning into a melodramatic mess. Some suspenseful scenes audience members might just wish would end, because they might just be a little too emotionally draining. It all gets back on track, though, when those few times come about. One other unrealistic aspect, however, is the fact that the two younger sons seem to be well-groomed. What, did they find a hair stylist merely floating about?

Naomi Watts gets a leg that’s disgustingly prone to infections, poor Holland has a spine that looks like it was dragged across a dirt road, and McGregor gets red rings around his pupils that will spark a nasty case of pink eye. These two little guys get a few scratches. What’s up with that? Other than that little misstep, the make-up is really quite marvelous, making us think that the actors really may have been in this tsunami.

This feature is really, really quite must-see. It is endlessly inspiring and emotionally strong, even if I feel four or five minutes could have been edited out. It even has some truly amazing cinematography, and the film is simply beautiful. I feel, however, that I must give you a few warnings about this feature. 1) There are some seriously nasty injury images, specifically Watts’ leg injury, that make this a feature not for the faint of heart. At all. 2) This is not a good date movie. Well, unless your angle is to let your date see you cry deeply, then go right for it!

One more thing: If you are not emotionally moved by this feature on some level, I highly recommend seeing a psychiatrist – you might be a sociopath. Seriously.

87/100