Sinkhole de mayo! Slaughterhouse Rulez (2019), The Hole in the Ground (2019)

Note: I wanted to post a couple shorter reviews today (well, the review of “The Hole in the Ground” is the usual length but “Slaughterhouse Rulez” is much shorter) because both of these horror films have sinkholes in them. So, there’s that!

Slaughterhouse Rulez. Released: May 17, 2019. Directed by: Crispian Mills. Starring: Finn Cole, Asa Butterfield, Simon Pegg. Runtime: 1h 44 min.

Note about this post. My reviews usually always have me talking a bit about the plot, so there are some (minor) spoilers, so you’ve been warned. 

This is one helluva forgettable horror comedy mashup. Honestly, I watched this in April so that’s a reason, but I’m convinced I forgot everything about this within a week.

Basically, there’s a guy named Don Wallace (Finn Cole) who’s accepted to a prestigious British boarding school called Slaughterhouse School. That’s the first red flag. A headmaster named The Bat (Michael Sheen) instructs that the forest near the school is a restricted area. If you needed a reason to make this feel like “Harry Potter,warning students not to go into a restricted forest is one of them.

It’s restricted because of the fracking going back on there. A fracking company has created a giant sinkhole. When they dig too deep, they release some horrors onto the academy. The big problem of “Slaughterhouse Rulez” is that it doesn’t get into any horror until an hour in besides foreshadowing like school rumours. The horror is mediocre at best when it arrives, but this holds little entertainment value.

It wastes a lot of time on a weird academy hierarchy that Willoughby Blake (Asa Butterfield) aptly explains to Wallace. The popular Clemsie Lawrence (Hermione Corfield) is the apple of Don’s eye, but a popular guy named Clegg (Tom Rhys Harries), who I think is dating Clemsie, won’t allow that. Again, if there’s anything you need to compare this to Harry Potter, it’s this Clegg jackass who is basically a more irritating version of Draco Malfoy.

The film also wastes a lot of time on professor Meredith Houseman (Simon Pegg). There’s nothing wrong, usually, with dedicating a lot of time to Simon Pegg, but when his character is mostly just trying to keep his relationship afloat with Audrey (Margot Robbie with little screen time), it just gets pointless. The film just wastes Pegg. Nick Frost has a couple of laughs in a bit role, but he’s still wasted. And wasting those talents is what is most unforgivable here.

Score: 40/100

The Hole in the Ground. Released: March 1, 2019. Directed by: Lee Cronin. Starring: Seána Kerslake, James Quinn Markey, Kati Outinen. Runtime: 1h 30 min.

“The Hole in the Ground” follows Sarah O’Neill (Seána Kerslake) who is just moving to the Irish countryside with her son, Chris (James Quinn Markey). Deep in the woods behind their home, they find a gigantic sinkhole with no real reason of being there.

Soon after finding it, Chris starts displaying bizarre behaviour and she thinks it has something to do with the sinkhole. Some of Chris’ bizarre behaviour, as seen in the trailer, is him crawling around on all fours and eating a spider. Bizarre, sure, but even more-so when you consider he’s terrified of spiders at the beginning of the film. You never know, he could just be getting over his fear in a unique way. Or something’s wrong with him.

It’s a Creepy Kid horror film, so it’s surely the latter. Even at 90 minutes, the film is very slow burn. I think that’s a given nowadays for the studio A24. Though, this was an A24 acquisition after production, but it just happens to suit its usual pacing for horror films well. It puts emphasis on a creepy atmosphere. This is one of the creepiest atmospheres for a Creepy Kid movie I’ve seen since “Home Alone.” I’m joking, Macaulay, though you’re hella creepy in “The Good Son.” Writer-director Lee Cronin, and co-writer Stephen Shields, do an admirable job with the atmosphere.

The Creepy Kid tropes are all here, but there aren’t a lot of friends for Sarah to confide in that this might not be Christopher. However, there’s an old kook in the woods the townsfolk have nicknamed Walkie Talkie, birthname Noreen Brady (Kati Outinen) who claims her late son James just changed and was convinced he was an imposter. Her husband Des (James Cosmo, “Game of Thrones”) has some great lines when he tells Sarah that it was something only a mother would notice. Her describes her noticing things as “pebbles until it becomes a landslide.”

The film’s unique for a Creepy Kid horror film and the atmosphere is strong, but it’s rather boring throughout because not a lot happens. A highlight during the first hour is an unsettling talent show. You have to get through about an hour of often boring creepiness for 20 minutes of action. The finale is unique and is the first time the film promises to be really scary because of a fear of the unknown. Some of the lore here is also rather interesting.

The last 20-plus minutes, atmosphere and the acting are really the only strong aspects here, and that’s not enough for me to ever re-visit this. One good thing can be said about the atmosphere, because if it were not so strong, I probably would have fell asleep halfway through. As for the acting, Seána Kerslake is good as Sarah who’s just really curious to know what the heck’s happened to her son. Her anxiety is strong and she holds a strong head through it all.

James Quinn Markey does a great job of being convincing enough that he could be Christopher. And I almost felt bad for him when Sarah literally runs away from him, even though he’s getting up to creepy shit the entire time. One plus for the acting is that I didn’t find him irritating, which is a big plus in my book for these films. Kudos, kid, you’re not annoying.

Score: 60/100

Orphan – A film review by Daniel Prinn – An effective and chilling psychological thriller

Orphan

Release Date: July 24, 2009

Director: Jaume Collet-Serra

Stars: Vera Farmiga, Peter Sarsgaard, Isabelle Fuhrman

Runtime: 123 min

Tagline: There’s something wrong with Esther.

 

This is definitely the best film I’ve seen from director Jaume Collet-Serra (the other two being Unknown and the House of Wax remake).

When a married couple with multiple problems lose a child in the womb, they set out for something to fill the missing part of their relationship at a local orphanage. They find Esther, and she seems like a really sweet little Russian girl. They bring her home and, eventually, bizarre and vicious occurances start happening, where Esther seems to always be there. Kate is the only one who seems to see Esther for sinister colours, and must expose her before it’s too late.

This movie is a rather orignal horror/thriller that has great twists and turns, and is a real treat for horror and mystery lovers, as it brings something fresh to the genre. It has wicked suspense and is very creepy, and I liked it a lot. It’s rarely ever boring, and can really keep your attention throughout (for a lot of it), and some scenes you can see some things coming (but rarely). It has some pretty great pacing, though. It really is carried along well enough by some solid performances.

It can be really original, but some of its themes and even scenes were very reminiscent of The Good Son.

*SPOILER, the following explains some scenes in the film*

In this one there’s a scene in the woods where a bird gets shot and in The Good Son; there was a scene in the woods where a dog got shot. There was a person who is believed to be the Person Who Cried Wolf in both: Kate in this one, and no one would believe her because of her expected alcoholism, and in The Good Son; where no one will believe Mark because of the loss of his mother, and everyone thinks it’s a cry for attention.  And the similar psychopathic issues: disturbed, psychopathic, manipulative, cunning and charming.

 *END OF SPOILERS*

 Though, even though how similar they seem to be, this film has more twists and turns and

can be more complex, while Good Son had a simpler plot compared to this. It was better in many ways, and more entertaining. Esther (Orphan) was much creepier than Henry (T.G.S.).

 I don’t see why though that this family would need another daughter, I guess to fill the hole, but they already have enough problems on their hands, why add in a psychopathic child? Though, I love the film’s ability to show the fear that the characters are feeling and other emotions, as well as some of the character’s general ignorance.

This film stars Vera Farmiga, Peter Sarsgaard, Isabelle Fuhrman as the show-stealing eerie and troubled Esther, CCH Pounder, Jimmy Bennett, Margo Martindale and Aryana Engineer.

If you expect a film that’s thoroughly scary, you may not get it because there’s only a few big scares, but it is an effective and chilling psychological thriller.

Orphan is just all thoroughly entertaining and it would be high up there on my list of favourite psychological horror/thrillers. Fans of horror films, creepy stories, mind games of a film,  and good film twists, should really give this one a watch.

80/100